In fact, lately it's been horrible. I hate it.
Dating has been painful and I needed to do something cathartic and healing after the onslaught of bad experiences. My first thought was to read stories about women who had experienced similar dating mishaps or watch a show that would make me see the funny side of these awful experiences. But as I thought back to the stories, movies, and shows that reflect dating and the craziness that ensues I find that my personal story is not represented. While I'm now in the Sex in the City age range, I don't really identify with Carrie and her girlfriends because I don't spend every cent I have on designer clothes and shoes. I love Girls, but I've already gone through my 20-something angst, and that doesn't really reflect my life. I'm 35, I live in Chicago, I'm pretty frugal, and I don't have the time or patience to deal with bullshit.
So here I am writing this blog for myself...and anyone else who might want to relate their bad dating experiences.
Let's start from the beginning.
I moved to Chicago after a break-up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. While it probably sounds pathetic, I just couldn't stay in Seattle. I loved my friends and the city, but I needed to leave and start a new life on my own. When I first moved in June 2013 I met one of my favorite people in Chicago, my co-worker Lauren. Extremely intelligent, witty, honest, and kind, Lauren had all the qualities a person would want in a friend. Lauren has been known to give her friends "the business" and let them know ways in which they limit themselves. It's a great quality and one I appreciate a lot. Last fall, I was on the receiving end of the business. Lauren advised me that I said "no" a lot. Too much, in fact. She told me that when it came to work and life I was a go-getter but when it came to dating, I was negative and limited myself. She was absolutely right.
So I decided to change things. I ordered a book Lauren recommended, The Year of Yes, and decided that on January 1, 2014, I would sign up for Match.com as a way to begin opening myself up to new experiences. While the book was just okay, the message was valuable and I realized I needed to stop saying no so much.
Well, here we are 10 months later and I'm dying to stop the Year of Yes. It sucks, especially lately. But I promised myself that I'd do this for a year, so I will stay the course.
In the meantime, I will rehash the crap I've dealt with and document new experiences (good and bad) to try and understand, reflect, forgive, move on, and ultimately improve myself. I hope that in time, things will improve and I'll finally meet someone with whom I have chemistry, I find attractive, and who can kiss. (Kissing or lack of satisfying kissing is a theme.) Is that too much to ask?
And if anyone ever reads this, feel free to provide your feedback.
